The weeping camel

I didn’t know what time of the day it was.

I had waken up from a deep drowsy dream; when I opened my eyes, the inside of the house had already become pitch dark. There was not a single soul on the street, not even any noise from any car, all I could hear was the sound from the alarm clock on my desk, it was ticking just the same as always when I was awake, which was clear, precise, clear emotionless.

Therefore, I really was awake indeed; what really happened yesterday wasn’t actually just a nightmare. 

Every moment I was awake, the recall was compelling, like repeating a chaotic disaster movie in my mind and screaming out against the tragedy of it over and over again.

I shut my eyes but the faces of Basely, Ophruya and Shaida were floating in the shadows in front of me, one after the other. Their faces showing faint rippling smiles.

I jumped up, I had become emaciated, my eyes swelling and my lips dried out.

I opened the front window which looked out onto the street. Across the road of the desert looked like a solitary frozen world, a no mans land. I was shocked by the suddenness of seeing such an unexpected, miserable, lifeless scene.

Just by staring at this piece of ruthless uncertain land, I forgot where I was.

That was it, gone; it really had gone. It was not a matter of whether just a few days or a life time, love, hate, laughter, crying, inside, outside, upside down, dreaming, all would disappear one day.

There was not a shadow that could be seen of the dead people on this white sandy ground, not even the wind from last night had sent the heave of a sigh.

I turned around and looked at the lonely empty room. Under the dimly lit light, it was as if I saw Basely sitting in cross-legged, slowly layer by layer undoing the black wrapping cloth on his head and face, under my surprised and overwhelmed staring, his tanned brown face with a pair of eyes like freezing stars, suddenly flashing out a seductive smile.

I blinked my eyes, all of a sudden I saw Shaida sat quietly facing the bookshelf; her long eyelashes looking like a piece of cloud projected on her elegant beautiful slim face, I looked at her in astonishment; her imperceptibly seemed not really to exist in this unconcerned world.

I wasn’t aware how long a vehicle had been stopped outside my door, I also didn’t pay any attention to whoever had been knocking on my door until someone called out my name lightly: “Echo!” I eventually jumped up scared by this surprise.

“I am here.” I grabbed onto the window frame and replied to the person by the door.

“Echo, there are no air tickets left but I will take you to the airport tomorrow morning; I have got two standby seats on the waiting list, maybe you could squeeze in; you should get yourself ready first, Jose knows about it and has asked you to lock the door after you go. Who is the person for the other ticket?” The manager from Jose’s company stood outside the window whispering to me.

“I will go but the other seat is no longer needed, thank you!”

“What is the matter? I have made a great effort to get the extra seat and now you don’t want it?”

“The dead can’t go.” I replied with a hoarse dried up voice.

The manager was startled and stared at me nervously looking around.

“I heard from the locals something had occurred, would you like to stay at my home in the town for a night? There are no Spanish here, it is not safe.”

I was silent for a moment then shook my head: “The packing needs to be done, it won’t go wrong here, thank you!”

He stood, stunned again for a while then threw away his cigarette from his hand, nodded to me and said: “Alright you shut the doors and windows tight, I will come to pick you up tomorrow morning at nine to take you to the airport.” 

I closed my wooden window and buckled the door chain, the sound of the jeep slowly faded away. In the end when the sound had completely gone, the weight of the silence made the house became more empty, the atmosphere in the house was no longer like it had been in the past anymore.

The past just felt like yesterday, like the time I was still had my long dressing gown on and stood in front of the window; outside the window there was a big crowd of Sahara girls pleasantly chatting with me: “Echo, quickly open the door! We have been waiting for half of the day, how come you are still sleeping?”

“No class today, time off for vacation.” I put my hands on my waist and viewed the clean pretty sand dunes from far away while took a few deep breaths.

“No class again.” The girls were exclaiming together with pity.

“It was in the middle of the night, the bombs were making us almost fall out from our beds, when we opened the door and ran outside to check it out, there was nothing we could see and just like that; we went back to bed again until the dawn come. Sooo~ha~~~, no class today, it’s no use for you all come to quarrel with me.”

“Although there is no class on, you could still let us in! It is for fun eventually.” The girls kept restlessly knocking on my door; I had to open the door for them.

“Are you all dead in your sleep, didn’t you hear the big noise?” I was drinking my tea and smiling whilst asking them.

“How could we not, there was a total of three explosions; one at the front door of the military camp, another at the school from the mine and one was at the front door of  Agibe’s father’s shop…..” They told me animatedly with excitement.

“How come your news arrives so quickly? You don’t even need to step out from this street but news of whatever come to you.”

“It’s the guerrillas again, they are getting more fierce.” One girl said that as if she wasn’t afraid at all, as if she was just watching a movie. They were chatting in a lively mood and chirpily with their hands in the air; the house was suddenly full of jokes and noise. 

“The fact is, the Spanish government has guaranteed them again national self-determination, what else more do they want!” I sighed and picked up a comb and started to comb my hair.

“Let me help to plait your hair.” One girl bent behind me and used her saliva spread on her hand and carefully made a braid for me.

“This time it was all caused by that Shaida; man and woman, love comes and goes, but it ended up bombing the shop of Agibe.” A girl spoke out loud behind me; all the girls on the floor were pushing each other with laughter when they spoke of love.

“Do you mean that Shaida who works in hospital?” I asked.

“Who else would it be? That woman is shameless; when Agibe loved her but she didn’t love him back she still chatted with him. Agile desperately came looking for her, she suddenly changed her mind instead of pairing with Ophruya. Agibe got a group of people to harass her, she actually told that to Ophruya, they were fighting few day ago; last night Agibe’s father’s shop actually got bombed.”

“It’s nonsense, Ophruya isn’t that sort of person.” I most disliked this group of girls for the way they always used their imaginations to judge things that were completely beyond their intelligence.

“Hey! Ophruya isn’t but Shaida is! That bitch, she even knows the guerrillas…”

I pulled back my braid and had a serious talk to the girls: “The word ‘bitch’ is only used on the woman who shows ingratitude and shamelessness; Shaida is one of the best midwifes among the women in your Sahara, how could you call her bitch! This is offensive language, don’t ever call her that again.”

“She talks to every man.” Guccka’s younger sister Fatima sat in front of me, biting her dirty black nails with her loose full dense hair that was full of red mud, she spoke out like an ignorant filthy spirit.

“What’s wrong with talking to the men? Am I not talking to men every day? Am I a bitch then? I confronted them fiercely, hoping to knock their closed heads open one day.

“It’s more than that, Shaida, she….she….” One girl appeared more frank than the others and her face blushed, but she couldn’t continue.

“She was sleeping with different men.” Fatima rolled her eyes as she slowly said that while sneering.

“She slept with people, have you seen it yourself?” I sighed, looking at these girls; I was not knowing should I be laughing or annoyed.

“Tut! Of course! Everyone all said that; who else will goes out with her apart from men, even though no men want to marry her, they are merely playing with her….”

“Alright! Don’t say anymore, at such a young age how come you are like a gossip woman.” I turned my back to throw away the tea and suddenly felt fed up. It was an early morning but all they talked of was just gossip.

The girls spread randomly and sat down everywhere, some of them had stretched out their dirty legs, some of them smelly badly with dishevelled hair; each one of them just busy talking.

I didn’t understand Hasanian language but the name of Shaida always came up in their conversations, each one of them expressed her name with hatred and despise, their faces were so unsightly, full of unspoken jealously and bitter hatred.

I was against at the door and looking at them, the shadow of the pure and elegant Shaida just suddenly emerging in front of my eyes; it was difficult to understand that such a higher educated lovely woman in the desert was being talked down and disdained by her own customers.

In the town, we had known many Sahara friends, such as the one who sold stamps in the post office, the doorman at the court, the drivers from the company, staff from the shops, the one who pretended to be blind asking for money, the one who delivered water with the donkey, powerful tribal chief, penniless slave, men, women, the old and the young of our neighbours, policemen and the thief; it was that people of all sorts of backgrounds were all our ‘Sahara’ friends.

Ophruya was a young policeman and he was our friend too; he had senior secondary education, he stopped his study and became a policeman.

He had baby face with fully white teeth, he always humbly treated people with his cheerful character that made people like him straight away.

Although there was always bombing in the town, the prosperous were still lively on the surface; everyone was warily talking about the current political situation but no one seriously felt the effects of the chaotic crisis, as if the matter was still far away from them indefinitely.

There was a day I walked back from my grocery shopping and I saw Ophruya, he was sitting in his police car and driving by; I waved at him, he quickly stopped and jumped out from the car. 

“Ophruya, it’s been a while, how come you have not visited us?” I asked him.

He smiled away while walking with me but didn’t say anything.

“Jose is on the morning shift this week, he will back after three in the afternoon; you come and we would chat.”

“Okay, I certainly will come in about a few days time.” He still smiled and helped me put the grocery basket in the call taxi before he left.

After few days had gone, Ophruya actually came to visit us at night. Our home was full with Jose’s colleagues and we were just eating some meat from the barbecue.

He was looked inside from the window and quickly said: “Oh! You have guests, I will come to visit you next time.”

I immediately came to him and pulled him inside: “The barbecue is beef, you come in and eat with us too, they are all our friends, it doesn’t matter.”

Ophruya smiled and pointed behind, I eventually saw in his car, a woman who wore a light blue desert dress was slowly getting out, her face was covered but a pair of beautiful eyes as if the water in Autumn were smiling at me.

“Shaida?” I smiled lightly asking him.

“How come you know?” He looked at me in astonishment, I didn’t wait to reply to him and quickly walked down to welcome this rare guest who was all that one could wish for.

If she wasn’t Shaida, I wouldn’t have dragged her in the house as it was full of men. Shaida was an open minded and enlightened woman, she merely hesitated a little then stepped inside the house.

All of Jose colleagues had never seen a Saharan woman in front of them that close before, they all politely stood up.

“Please sit down, make yourselves comfortable.” Shaida nodded her head  honourably. I indicated for her sit on the mat and quickly turned around to prepare some soft drinks for her and Ophruya; by the time I looked at her again, she had already taken off her veil naturally from her head.

Under the light, Shaida’s face was somehow glowing with astounding attractiveness, her virtually ivory cheeks accentuated a pair of large deep dark eyes and below her delicate upright nose was a brush of fresh water lips, her slim body line was just like a perfect exquisite statue. When her eyes unintentionally looked in another direction with her serenely smile, it was like  a rising moon that suddenly was  shinning with splendour in the room.

Everyone seemed to be unknowingly loosing themselves in that spectacular moment, even me; at that moment, I was also being astonished by her magnetic charm.

The version of Shaida who wore the local costume compared with the bright and appealing image of her in the hospital, was completely a different charm of beauty. She sat down there without speaking but had brought us into a voyage of ancient mythologic dream all of a sudden.

Everyone seemed try hard to go back to their conversations, it was because of the presence of Shaida, we actually became for a moment absent minded.

Ophruya sat with us for awhile then he together with Shaida left. The room became silent although Shaida had left a while ago; perhaps it was like a kind of eternal beauty have already left but it was still touching everyone’s heart.  

“Such beauty, a woman has such beauty actually exists in this world and not just in the Greek mythology.” I spoke with a sigh.

“Is she the girlfriend of Ophruya? Someone was asking lightly.

“Don’t know.” I was shaking my head.

“Where does she come from?”

“It is said that she’s an orphan, her parents have already gone, she was brought up by the Nanny in the hospital for few years and learnt to become a midwife.” 

“Her picking Ophruya is a good choice, he is a decent guy.”

“Ophruya isn’t a good match for her, it’s missing something but couldn’t say what it is exactly.” I spoke my thoughts.

“Echo, are you judging people by appearance?” Jose said.

“Not by the look, I have my heart telling me, she won’t belong to him.”

“Ophruya also comes from a good family, his father owns thousands of goats and camels….”

“Although I don’t know Shaida well enough, she isn’t the kind of person who will care about money; it actually seems no one could be good enough for her in this desert!”

“Wasn’t Agibe seeing her, he also fought with Ophruya because of her, it wasn’t too long ago!” Jose said again.

“That son of the merchant is doing nothing all day long, only abuses his father’s power in the town to get what he wants, how could this kind of villain and Shaida mix together.” I dispersedly said. 

That was the first time during the night Shaida came to my home, it was as we only caught a glimpse of a passing but it left everyone affected like an earthquake. The conversation was actually all about her and seemed unwilling to changed by anyone, even myself, I had never before been so captivated because of an extraordinary woman.

“That bitch, how could you let her go inside your house, if you keep going like this, all neighbours are going to ignore you.” Guccka came to persuade me the next day with worrying, I replied with a smile but ignored it.

“She followed the man then got out from the car, we all saw it from our doorsteps; she dared to smile and greeted my mother, my mother dragged us inside and slammed the door in front of them, Ophruya went red in the face.”

“You are all too much.” I felt blank at that moment and didn’t recognise there had been a drama before they came to our home yesterday.

“It said that she doesn’t believe in Islam but believes in Catholicism, this kind of person will go to hell straight away when she dies.”

I was silently looking at Guccka and didn’t know how to straighten her mind, when I stepped out of my door just behind Guccka, her father Honde was coming home from work, his Spanish army uniform plus his grey hair on his light brown face, all made him quite imposing.

“Echo, it’s not that I say anything about you but my girls go to your home every day, I hope you can teach them well but now you and Jose are making friends of some indecent Sahara people; how could I not worry about my girls still being friends with you.” His onerous talking was like a big slap on my face, my face blushed and I couldn’t reply back.

“Honde, you have been working for the Spanish government over twenty years, you should be more open minded, the world is changing…..”

“The world changes but the custom of the Sahara people had not changed, yours are yours and ours still ours.”

“Shaida isn’t a bad woman, Honde, you are a middle age man and you should look at things should be more clearly than them…..” I was too angry and couldn’t finish my words.

“A person, who betrays her own religion, what else is more shameful than that? Well……” Honde stamped his foot down and with the abashed Guccka went back to his own home.

“Death brain!” I scolded and slammed my door too.

“This nation needs much time and patience to open themselves up.” During suppertime I talked with Jose about what had happened.

“The guerrillas in their broadcast talks, everyday speak of requiring slaves to be liberated and girls needing education, but all the people seem to hear from their ears is independence no others things do they care about.”   

“The  guerrilla broadcasting? How come we have never heard about it?”

“Hassania language, they broadcast it from Algeria and all the local people listen to it.”

“Jose, how long do you think this situation will drag on?” I was speaking with concern. 

“Don’t know, the Spanish governor promised them national self-determination.”

“If Morocco hasn’t promised it, how can it be?” I tilted my head playing with the chopsticks.

“Let’s eat supper!” 

“I don’t want to leave here.” I sighed and insisted to say.

Jose looked at me and not saying anything.

The summer just looked like the usual Sahara with constantly flying dust and sand in the air as if tomorrow would never come again. Time sticky in the heat as if dead, the days slowly passing by, eventually made people tired with laziness and lose the spirit to do anything. The heart suffered in emptiness though these days with sweat and stain.

Half  the Spanish people in town had left the desert and returned to their homeland to avoid the summer heat, the town became desolated quiet like a ghost town. 

There was some news about Sahara in the daily papers everyday, the town occasionally had a bomb explosion but no one was injured.

As regards Morocco, the clamour of the king Hassan grew louder and louder but the local people who were officially living inside the real town seemed completely indifferent and not much concerned with it. 

The sand in the desert was still sand, the sky was the same sky, the tornado was the same tornado. In reality, in this isolated end of the world and prehistoric primeval like land here, the United Nations, the International Court of Justice and national self-determination; all these strange names were unreal for many of the people who were truly living in the heart of this land.

We were still living in the same way we were and hoping, but with a wait and see attitude, not completely believing that the rumours from the outsiders would one day eventually have any special relevance to our fate in the future.

During the afternoon heat wave, if my car was still at home, I would sometimes pack some snacks and drive to the hospital to pay a visit to Shaida.

The two of us hid under the mostly cooler shade in the basement, sitting down with the disinfectant smell around to do some sewing and eating; we chatted about everything including astronomy, geography, the past as well as the present; we were unfettered and as close as sisters.

Shadida always told me about the happy times in her childhood when she was living in the tent, but in her stories when she mentioned the death of her parents, she would stop as if the story went blank afterwards and no more; she never said anything further and I never asked too.

“Shaida, if the Spanish go, what will you do?” One day I suddenly asked her.

“How will they go? Will they give us independence or let Morocco divide us ?” 

“They are all possible.” I shrugged my shoulders speaking casually.

“Independent, I stay; divided I am not.”

“I suppose your heart is on Spain.” I slowly said.

“This is my homeland, the place where my parents are buried.” The eyes of Shaida suddenly moistened as if there was some kind of pain and secret inside of her heart; she then sat blankly and quiet as if she forgot to speak again.

After a while had passed she eventually asked me. “Echo, how about you?”

“I don’t want to leave, I like it here.”

“What attracted you here?” She strangely asked me.

“What attracted me here? The broad sky and the wide earth, the scorching sun and the storms, the laughter and the sadness in the solitary life; for those innocent people I still love them and dislike them, it’s all confusing, I am not even clear myself about it.”

“If this piece of land belonged to you, what would you do?”

“Probably the same as you, learn medical practice; the fact is——how to draw the line of the difference between whether it belongs to me or not?” I sighed.

“Haven’t you ever thought about independence?” Shaida calmly said. 

“Sooner or later, colonialism will become the past; the question is, after becoming independent, how many years will it take to eventually change this group of ignorant hoodlums? It isn’t optimistic at all.”

“That will come one day.”

“Shaida, this sort of conversation you only have with me, don’t speak about it to anyone.”

“No need to be alarmed, Nanny also knows.” She laughed and suddenly she became lively again, looking at me and she seemed completely not to care about it.

“You know they are arresting the guerrillas?” I nervously asked.

She nodded her head in worry, then stood up and patted her clothes; all of a suddenly she had tears in the corner of her eyes.

One afternoon, Jose came home from work and he was asking me at the moment he stepped his foot in the house: “Echo, have you seen it or not?”

“What’s the matter? I didn’t go out today.” I asked him with concern and I rubbed away the sweat on my neck.

“Come with me, go to the car, we are going to see it.” Jose dragged me and left with a serious look on his face.

He drove the car in silence and went around the outskirts of the town; there was some writing clearly to be seen on the wall, it was written in red like blood as if the river flooded and burst its banks.

“What happened?” I was shocked.

“You look at it carefully.”

——Get off of our land You Spanish dogs ———Long live Sahara, Long live guerrillas, Long live Basely ———Don’t need Morocco, Don’t need Spain, Long live National self-determination————Spanish robber! Bandit! Murderer! ———We love Basely! Get out of here Spain———

One after another white wall was bleeding and pouncing on our faces; it was accusing word by word in terror that made people come out in a cold sweat as if under the fierce sun; the feeling was just like someone who was suddenly forced to wake up from a good sleep by a dagger and had suffered a great fright.

“Have the guerrillas come back?” I asked Jose in a lower voice.

“There’s no need for them to come back, who in this Saharan town wouldn’t follow them.”

“Has the inside of the town also been painted like this?”

“It has all been painted just in one night, including the walls at the military camps; don’t know how the guards could have been doing their jobs.”

Panic suddenly came to us, on every street we were driving on we could see a Saharan man; that made me chilled and stoked the terror into my heart.

We didn’t go home, Jose drove the car to the café at his company.

All the colleagues were gathering in the building, all the smiles from them were actually stiff, the deep sleep of the summer suddenly seemed to disappear without a trace.

Apart from the panic and nervousness on everyone’s faces, some also looked more or less aggrieved, shameful and awkward. 

“The United Nations Investigation group is coming, they, of course would make a scene and will express their opinion about Sahara separately.”

“It’s said that Basely has been educated in law in Span and graduated there. He has been in Spain for many years, how come he has come back and became a guerrilla against us?”

“What is our company going to do? Are we going to hold on or dismiss everyone?”

“I am sending my wife back wife home tomorrow, I won’t be waiting for the chaos happens.”

“Morocco also has many of their people already mingled in the crowd here, I have heard that the numbers would be more than the guerrillas.”

The confused voices spoke out, up and down in bewilderment, most of them were irrelevant and like the blind touching an elephant.

“Damn it, these guys are nothing but fantasising to be independent, we Spanish people are too generous to them. Like I said, if they dare to scold us, we will beat them to death. Bah! Only seventy thousand people of them and it’s no trouble at all to shoot them dead by firing a machine gun; that was how Hitler treated the Jewish in the old day…..”

An unknown rough red faced Spanish guy suddenly stamped on the table and stood up very intensely to make a speech; he was so angry and his eyes looked as if they were about to pop out, both his hands were in the air and throwing punches to express his rage.

“To slaughter a Saharan is no different than killing a dog; even a dog is better than them, at least a dog wags it’s tail for the one who feeds it……”

“Oh….oh…..!” I heard his words, they didn’t sound like a human being; the people who initially stood for Spain in their hearts were hit by his extreme speech and deviation from their previous direction. Jose was in shock and staring at that man with his head up.

Most of the people around actually listened to his words of madness and clapped their hands to applaud.

That man made a big swallow and picked up a glass of wine to drink; all of a sudden he saw me, he spoke immediately again: “Colonialism is not just in our Spain, other people like the Chinese in Hong Kong, can not wait to butter up England, absolutely obedient whatever the order is for many years; example such like this, the Sahara people wouldn’t see it but we can see it as…….”

I hadn’t jumped up yet but Jose smacked on the table with a huge bang, he stood up and rushed to that man, wanting to punch him.

Suddenly all eyes were on us.

I rushed up to hold Jose desperately.

“He’s just an old fool, not knowing anything at all, you don’t have to care what he said.” I said to Jose.

“What is this mad man talking about? If it is like what he said, should all people not ruled by a foreign country die like a pile of flies? How about when Taiwan was occupied by the Japanese in the past? Should the people there just have accepted it? Did he actually know anything?

Jose was shouting loudly and I pushed him outside the door.

“Jose, I don’t agree with colonialism either but what can we say about against our own side, Spain. What good will it do if you have conflict with your own people. You will only get a bad name for yourself as unpatriotic.”

“They are disgraceful rotten people….., how can you blame the Sahara people for disliking us.” Jose was evidently getting sentimental.

“We are not going to be able to please both sides, they call the guerrillas dogs and yet our own people are hurt because of their temper. Oh! God!”

“It could have solved the problem peacefully if Morocco had not come along wanting to divide the Sahara. The Sahara people then wouldn’t want to be independent so desperately.”

“The United Nations Investigation group is coming any time soon, Echo, are you going to leave here for a while and come back when the riots are over?”

“Me?” I was laughing coldly.

“I am not going, whilst Spain still occupies here, even for one day, I would stay one day; and when Spain leaves, I possibly may not leave at all.”

That same night, the town imposed a complete curfew; the chaotic atmosphere was just like water drowning the entire street, during the daylight the Spanish policemen held their guns pointing at the Saharan people on the street., one by one forcing them to stand against a wall and making them take off their large robes for a body search.

All the young men had disappeared, this only left the miserable old men blinking their eyes and lifting their hands up in the air for being frisked from head to toe. This kind of body searching apart from making people feel humiliated, wasn’t effective.

Were the guerrillas stupid enough to bring their guns along and risk being given frisked on the street? 

I went to the hospital and asked for Shaida, the porter told me she was on the second floor delivering a baby.

I hadn’t even stepped my foot far on the second floor, when Shaida came rushing past with frustration and almost bumped into me.

“What’s the matter?”

“Nothing, let’s go!” She pulled me along and went straight down the stairs.

“Are you not delivering a baby?”

“The family of the woman didn’t want me.” She bit her lip and spoke trembling.

“It’s an obstructed labour, she was nearly dead when I was sent here; I went in and they started to scold me and I…..”

“Why are they making it difficult for you?”

“I don’t know, I…..”

“Shaida, how about getting married? You and Ophruya are always  together and the customs don’t allow you to be like that.”

“Ophruya is not with me.” She looked up and rushed to explain.

“What….” I asked her back curiously.

“It’s Agibe, that group of people always want to get me, I have to…..”

“It is my torment, who can I speak to……” Suddenly tears fell down from her face and she quickly ran away.

I slowly walked down the corridor and went through the yard where the nanny lived. A group of well behaved children were all drinking their milk together. One little Saharan kid had some milk foam of on his upper lip as if he was wearing a white moustache, he looked very funny; I held him up under the sun and played with him. 

“Hey, where are you holding him to?” A young nun rushed out and chasing towards us.

“It’s me!” I smiled to say hello to her.

“Oh! You scared me .”

“This little person is really cute and strong.” I looked at his big black eyes intensely and stroked his curly hair with my hand. 

“Let me have him! Come!” The nun stretched out her arms.

“How old?”

“Four years old.” The nun gave him a kiss.

“When Shaida came here, she must has been about that age?”

“At the time she was sent here, she had already a grown up and was about sixteen or seventeen indeed!”

I smiled and said my goodbye to the nun, also gave a kiss to the little kid; he was very shy and looked away. His familiar expression suddenly hit me like a flash across my  memory; who did he look like? This little kid?

On the way home, the only vehicles I saw were army vehicles driving to the town. Coils of barbed wire were wound all around the government buildings so tightly that I doubted that even the wind could blow in.

The inside of the small airline office had already filled up with queuing people waiting patiently.

There were totally unknown faces of journalists suddenly showing up like a group of unemployed people wondering around the place. 

The bustling and the intense disturbance enveloped this initially quiet town in a sinking feeling as if before a storm’s coming. 

I walked fast to get home, Guccka was just sitting on the stone stairs waiting for me.

“Echo, Godpa has asked, will you give Halifa a bath today?”

Halifa was Guccka’s youngest brother, he had a skin problem and was always brought over to me for a wash with soap once every few days.

“Mmn! Yes, wash; do bring him over!” I was unlocking my door while slowly replying to her absentmindedly.

Later at bath time, the big eyes Halifa were uncooperatively moving around in the bath.

“Stand up now, be good and don’t splash water any more!” I lowered myself down to wash his feet and he picked up a damp brush to beat me on my head.

“First kills Jose, then kills you; first kills Jose, kills Jose……”

He was singing extremely clearly like the children’s rhymes while beating my head, when I listened to what was he singing about, I couldn’t believe my ears and I tried to hold onto myself. I finished washing Halifa and wrapped him up with a big towel then put him on the bed in the bedroom.

It was merely a few steps but it felt unreal like stepping on a field of cotton, lift one foot lift high and one foot lower; I didn’t even know how I went into the bedroom while I was lightly drying Halifa, as I was actually still in a state of shock by his rhyme.

“Halifa, what are you singing? Good boy, sing it again.”

Halifa stretched his hand to grab a book from my bed, he smilingly looked at me and said: “guerrillas come, Hum! Hum! Kills Jose, kills Echo, hee hee!” He tried to grab the alarm clock on the bedside cabinet and genuinely not knowing what he was actually singing about.

I dazedly put an old shirt of Jose’s on Halifa, slowly walking to Honde’s home, I took the little child to his mother Godpa.

“Oh! Thank you! Halifa, say, thank——you!” Godpa affectionately picked him up and smiling to the child. 

“Guerrilla kills Jose, kills Echo.” The little child was lively jumping and embraced in his mother’s arms whilst pointing at me with his finger and shouting away.

“Ask for death!” After Godpa heard it, she turned over the child and wanted to spank him, her conscientious face blushed with shame.

“It’s no good to beat him, what does a child know about? I powerlessly sighed.

“Sorry! I am so sorry!” Godpa almost broke down in tears, looking at me and holding her head was down immediately.

“Doesn’t make it any different of where people come from! We all are the same children under the eyes of ‘Mulana’!” (‘Mulana’ was the name of god in the Arabic Hassania language)

“We don’t see you as any different, Guccka and our little grandchildren all are good with you; we are not that kind of people; please forgive me, sorry, sorry.” Godpa had tears of shame running down her as she spoke, she kept  pulling out the corner of her clothing to dry her eyes.

“Godpa, what are you non-sensing about, don’t embarrass yourself.” Guccka’s brother Basin suddenly came and shouted at his mother with a cold laugh, threw a glance at me, pushed aside the blind and went inside.

“Godpa, don’t be sad, the young people have their own minds; you don’t need to feel sorry.” I patted Godpa and stood up, but in my heart I felt as when I was a child being bullied and couldn’t do or say anything about it. I came out upset with fog in my head.

At home, I was sitting feeling blue, my mind was blank; I didn’t notice that Ophruya and Jose had both came in, I didn’t see them at all.

“Echo, please help and take me out of the town on Sunday.”

“What?” I was still wondering in another world and had not really heard.

“Please help, I need to leave town to visit home.” Ophruya asked straight away.

“I am not going, outside of town there are guerrillas around.”

“I promise your safety, please, please!”

“Don’t you have a car yourself!” That was a day I was somehow out of my head and being rude and wasn’t in any mood to talk to anyone.

“Echo, I am a Saharan, vehicle passes are not given to locals anymore, you normally are an understanding person, what is the matter with you. It is as if you are angry today ?” Ophruya patiently asked and looking at me as he spoke.

“Are you not a policeman? How come you ask me back?”

“Yes I am a policeman but also from Sahara.” He smiled bitterly.

“You want to go out of town, don’t drag us in. In the end you will kill us all; our heart for you has gone to feed the dog.” I didn’t know where the temper came from but I was shouting out of control; after finishing the sentence, I burst into tears eventually letting it all out and I sat on the floor wailing miserably.

Jose was just changing his clothes when he heard me crying. He rushed up to me and both he and Ophruya stood gazing at each other.

“What is the matter with her?” Jose frowned with an open mouth.

“I don’t know, I was just talking to her as normally, she suddenly became like this.” Ophruya replied bafflement.

“Okay, I have gone mad, it wasn’t your fault.” I grabbed a tissue to blow my nose, dried my face and caught my breath and lay on the sofa staring blankly.

When I thought of how Ophruya’s parents, brothers and sisters had all had been kind to me, I regretted my behaviour in my heart.

I asked again: “Why would you pick up this time to go out of  town, it is chaos outside.”

“On Sunday, my whole family is gathering for a day, if the situation here gets worse, we might not be able to go to the great desert often after all.

“Have you still got camels there?” Jose asked.

“All sold, my brothers need money, all the camels have gone, only a few of the goats remain.” 

“What’s all the money needed for, what’s going to happen after all the family’s asset have been sold?” I felt much better after my crying, I had also claimed down by now.

“Ophruya, we will take you out of town on Sunday, but you have to guarantee our safety and we need to return back here in the evening; don’t disappointed our good friendship.” Jose spoke slowly with low keyed.

“We won’t, it is really a family gathering; you can rest assured.” Ophruya  patted Jose once on the shoulder and spoke it with appreciation. The matter had been settled.

“Ophruya, you are a guerrilla, how can you guarantee our safety?” I felt heavy in my heart as I asked him.

“Echo, we are real friends, please trust me; I have to ask you for help desperately, if I didn’t have any confidence, how could I dare drag you in to it; you know we are all our own parents have.” I could see he had spoken  genuinely, I wouldn’t ask him any more questions.

The checkpoint had taken away three identity cards, the two blue one from us and a yellow one from Ophruya.”

“Collect them when you come back to town again at night and be aware of Basely on the road.” The guard waved his hand and let us go through; my heart was pounding as I heard the last words he said.

“Drive on quick! It takes over three hours in and out, come back as soon as possible.” I sat in the back and Jose was in the front seat; we all wore practical clothing for desert travelling.

“How come you suddenly want to visit home?” I felt uneasy and asked him again.

“Echo, don’t worry, you have asked the same thing many times already for the last few days.” Ophruya laughed out, he became more lively after we had driven out of the town.

“Why is Shaida not coming with us?”

“She is at work.” 

“Better to say, you are afraid she will be in danger.”

“You guys don’t just chat, Ophruya, you navigate the way so that I can drive faster.”

All that surrounded us was merely the grey sky, the sunrise was only show up as some gloomy pink light under the thick cloud, there was a feeling of bitter cold in the morning’s desert. A few lonely birds were flying around and calling out above the roof of our car, they just made this heaven and earth more desolate.

“I will go for a little sleep, I  have been up too early.” I closed my eyes and curled up on the back of the car, inside I felt like a lead weight was pressing on my chest making me feel unpleasant; It was better not to look at the desert, it would only make me feel that on the horizon there was someone I didn’t want to see appearing. 

It seemed I had just slept for but a moment and the car was stopping on the bumpy road; I felt hot and pushed away the blanket, suddenly the back door was opened, I screamed out and got up straight away.

“Who is it!”

“It’s my younger brother, Echo; he comes from far away to pick us up.”

I sat up dimly rubbing my eyes, I saw a young face with a fresh and innocent smile just coming up to say hello to me!

“Is it really Muhammad? Oh…..” I stretched my arms to him and smiled.

“Almost there?” I sat up and opened the window.

“Right in front of us.”

“You have moved again, you weren’t living here last year.”

“All the camels have been sold, wherever to live is the same.”

I saw Ophruya’s home, a big brown tent, from far away; my heart suddenly felt at rest after the nervousness on the road.

Ophruya’s beautiful mother along with his two sisters looked like three small black spots in the distance ready to come flying to us under the vast sky.

“Sanemalyho!” the sisters were crying out and rushed to embrace their brother, then embraced me, one of them wrapping both her arms around my neck; her pure beautiful face, clean long dress with white teeth and her shinny silky thick braided hair; all appearing entirely as if fresh out of the earth.

I rushed myself come forward to meet Ophruya’s mother, she was just coming out form under her son’s arms and chest.

“Salamanicoo! Hasemi!”

She slowly opened up her arms; she was wrapped up in dark blue clothing with her hair worn in a curly bun style, her eyes revealed her true sentiments of kindness and of love welcoming me. The sky behind her was as clear as if the blue had been freshly washed in water. The grey cloudy morning had all gone without me realising.

“Sisters, go and get the cotton fabric from the car; I have brought you some colourful glass beads.” I chased away the skipping goats, shouting out for the girls.

“This is for Ophruya’s father.” Jose picked up two big cans of tobacco.

“Also I have a small box of biscuits, go to bring it here, it is made out of chocolate powder.”

Everything felt like living in a time of peace and prosperity, just like going home and visiting relatives; the atmosphere hadn’t changed a bit from each time we visited Ophruya’s home.

I left the people outside and ran inside the tent. 

“I am coming, Patriarch!” When I stepped in, Ophruya’s father with his full grey hair was sat down and waving his hand without standing up.

“Salamanicoo!” I got myself down kneeling towards him, stretched my right hand and touched his head lightly; only with this elderly man, I used the most respects manner to greet him.

Jose also came in, he went close to the old man and squatted down touching his head before sitting down opposite him on the right.

“This time of visit, how long will you stay?” The old man spoke in French.

“The current situation isn’t good, so we go back tonight.” Jose replied in Spanish.

“You are also thinking about leaving Sahara?” The old man sighed when asking.

“We will only leave if that time comes.” Jose said.

“It’s the war! It won’t be like the old peaceful days anymore!”

The old man searched in his inside pocket for a while then picked up a pair of heavy silver anklet bangles, he gave me a sign and I moved to sit down against close by him.

“Put them on, those have been saved for you.” I couldn’t understand French but I understood by his eyes, I immediately accepted them with both my hands, I took off my sandals and put the anklet bangles on; I stood up and tried walking for a few wobbly steps.

“Shuaine! Shuaine!!” The old man changed the language to Hasanian and spoke: “Looks good! Looks good!” I understood and replied him lightly: “Hahu (Yes)!” I couldn’t stop looking at my beautiful decorated anklet bangles.

Each daughter has a pair, the younger one is still little, I give them to you first.” Ophruya’s father kindly said.

“May I go outside?” I asked Ophruya’s father, he nodded and I rushed out to show my feet to Hasemi.

The two sisters were getting ready for when the goats would be slaughtered, a fire of dry thorns had already been lit and a plume of smoke was rising up.

Hasemi and I stood together, we were gazing at the empty wilderness.

In the past, they had their tents based further south with other neighbours; Now somehow they had moved to a more isolated place such here.

“Sahara is so beautiful.” Hasemi elegantly spread both her hands out with praise for her land. When I first moved here I did the same as Hasemi.

The world around us was suddenly filled full of poetry by her magically spread out hands, I felt like a strand of silk was slowly seeping into my heart.

This world didn’t have another Sahara and she only presented her tenderness and beauty to the people who had their love for her; she would repay your love silently with the eternity of the sky and earth, and quietly promise you that your generation and the next generation to be born she will embrace in her arms.

“It’s time for slaughtering the goats, I will go and ask for Ophruya.” I ran back to the tent.

After Ophruya went, I was lying on the ground quietly and I softly sniffed the blanket that had a tobacco aroma on it; this family evidently didn’t have any body odour that usually made me feel unpleasant, they were different.

A little while later Ophruya lightly touched me and said: “The slaughter has been done, you can go outside to see.” As far as killing livestock, I actually couldn’t face it.

“There are two big goats, can we actually eat all them?” I asked Hasemi as I bent down and sat next to her.

“That is not even enough! All the brothers need to take some with them later when they go home, you also bring some home too; on top of that I need to make a pot of ‘Costco ’ and that will happily round up the day of good eating.” (Cosec was a desert food made of flour pressed flat by hand) 

“Never have I seen all of Ophruya’s brothers, not even once.” I said.

“They have all left many years ago. It’s seldom for them to come back, you have been visited us three or four times and they just eventually been back once…..”

“It is already this time of the day and they still have not come yet.”

“They are coming!” After Hasemi quietly said that, she bent down and continued working.

“Where? There’s nobody!” I asked curiously.

“You listen carefully!”

“Have you heard what they are chatting about inside the tent?” 

“You can’t! You have no ears.” Hasemi was laughing away.

A little while longer, I saw some yellow dust flying up just on the far edge of the horizon. It looked just like smoke disappearing up into the air when it reached high enough in the sky; I couldn’t see very clearly of how they were coming to us; were they walking, running, riding on camels or riding by cars?

Hasemi was slowly getting up and the far away sandy ground was getting clear by now, they were actually driving cars, all in a row. The yellow jeeps all were driving towards us with a great strength and vigour, the moment when the vehicles were getting closer, I almost could see the silhouette of the people in them but they eventually spread out away and circled the tents from far away and one by one disappeared and I couldn’t have a clear look at them.

“Hasemi, are you sure the people arriving are family?” I looked at their imposing momentum, I felt the aggressive, atmospheric tension in the air and I unconsciously held tight onto the corner of Hasemi’s clothing.

At this moment, a vehicle with a group of masked men inside quietly approached us.

I felt a cold shiver and My feet couldn’t move a step as if I had been nailed down on the floor; I could feel that the approaching person was staring hard at me like an eagle, from under his headscarf.

The two sisters and brother all immediately screamed out and were running forward to the vehicle, the sisters especially were so jubilant they looked about to cry.

“Brother! Brother! Mmmffh…..” They were actually crying and went straight to this group of people who were just getting out from the car.

Hasemi opened her arms and mumbling one name after one name of her sons, her slim and elegant face was filled full of unconditional tears. 

The five children were in turn silently cuddling their petite mother in their arms like lovers, they were completely silent without a sound for a long while.

Ophruya had been outside already, he gave his brothers hugs in silence also.

The space surrounding around them was in complete deadly silence and I didn’t made any move myself at all as I was been frozen.  

One by one, the brothers went inside the tent, they knelt down and touched the top of their old father’s head; they had been apart for a long time and now reunited again. The old man’s face was full of tears. The mixed emotions of joy and sadness together meant the old father couldn’t be his normal own self. 

The brothers came forward to give Jose a firm handshake and then they gave me firm handshake too whilst saying my name: “Echo!”

“They are my brothers too, not outsiders.” Ophruya spoke in excitement, everyone took off their headscarves and they actually all looked similar to Ophruya; they all had extremely good looking faces and bodies with neat white teeth.

When they were about to take off their robes, they made eye contact with Ophruya as if they were asking and Ophruya lightly nodded his head; all of this I saw my eyes.

They removed their robes to reveal five earthy yellow guerrilla’s uniforms which suddenly burnt into my eyes painfully like flames.

Jose and myself had not even had a moment to look at each other, it seemed that the two of us turned to stone. I felt like I had been deceived, I could feel my whole body rushing with blood and my face flushed at once.

Jose didn’t move and was as silent as a straight wall, there was not any expression on his face.

“Jose please don’t misunderstand me, today is a purely family gathering, no other meaning; please do understand, forgive me.” Ophruya was desperately explaining with a red face.

“All are ‘Wayeda’, don’t mind it Jose; they are Hasemi’s ‘Wayeda’.” In this sort of situation, only a woman could melt the hard ice like water at this crucial moment. (‘Wayeda’ meant boys)

I got up to follow Hasemi outside to cut the goat meat. I gave myself a moment to think but still my mind was unsettled. 

As I went outside the tent I dropped a word: “Ophruya, you have made a big joke of us, how could you mess up in this kind of matter?”

“The fact is that it is not simple for Ophruya to get out of town, he didn’t especially try to trick you into coming out here; the truth is, it’s us brothers who wanted to meet you since Ophruya always mentions about you. As it happened we had our family gathering, we wanted him to invite you to come here; please do not take it as an offence, please let us be friends together as we are under the same roof of this tent!” One of Ophruya’s brother’s shuck Jose’s hand again as he explained it with sincerity. Jose finally felt relieved.

“Don’t talk politics!” Suddenly the old man spoke loudly and sharply in French.

“Today, just drink tea, eat meat and spend time with family, to be enjoyed for a day of the love for the family pleasure; tomorrow, we will go our separate ways again!” It was the same brother spoke out again; he stood up and strode outside of the tent, then went forward to his sister who was carrying a teapot.

That afternoon, we spent almost the whole time helping out doing the housework. We did such things such as pick up the mountain high pile of brushwood and fenced off the goats.

Jose together with the brothers made another tent for the brothers and sisters to sleep in as there had been almost nothing beforehand, connected the tube to the water cans, built a stone wall windbreaker in the place where the wind always blew, also raised up the strove and made a cover for the seat mattress out of a goat skin. Even the father happily had his hair cut by his older son.

Although the second brother of Ophruya worked hard doing the same amount of housework as the rest of the family, the manor with which he dealt with things, his attitude, gentle speech, quick reactions, generosity and utmost courtesy were all outstanding, like a prince.

His natural charm could not be concealed under his shabby uniform. The shape and focus of his eyes meant that you almost wouldn’t dare look straight into them.

He was extremely handsome, and his mature face free from any blemishes that seemed to inflict many people within the Sahara.

“I guess you will all go to the town and create a disturbance there for a while.” Jose was tying up the wood while speaking to the Ophruya’s brothers above the wind.

“It has to be done. The day the observation group comes, we need to leave, we have high hopes of the United Nations, we want our voice, the voice of the Saharan people themselves to be heard regarding the decision over this land.”

“Be careful not to get arrested.” I interrupted to say.

“It is difficult to get caught as the residents support us, if our luck doesn’t run out there is not much bad can possibly happen.” 

“You are all being Idealistic, full of romanticism for building up your country if it actually becomes independent it will be incompetent of treating half the ignorant rabble in town!” I sat on the ground, cuddling a little lamb and spoke loudly to the people who were working.

“Development, resources and educating the masses is the first step to take.”

“Who is going to do the developing? Even the seventy thousand people who live crowded at the border, can’t even begin to fill up the place fully. The country will be reduced to becoming a protected state of Algeria, the situation would be worse than what is it now.”

“Echo, you are too pessimistic.”

“You are too full of romanticism, you could fight as a guerrilla but it’s not the right time for independence.”

“Must do our best, not take success or failure into consideration.” They replied to me calmly.

When all the family work had done, Hasemi invited everyone to the new tent for drinking tea; the carpet had already been laid down completely inside the tent.

“Ophruya, the sun is going down.” Jose stared at the sky and quietly spoke to Ophruya. His reluctance to part from his family suddenly showed up on his face with tiredness.

“Let’s go! we need to get on the road before it’s dark.” I stood up immediately, Hasemi saw that we had to go, she stopped with the teapot in the middle in the air in hand for a while, then she rushed out and came back with a wrapped up goat’s leg.

“Can’t stay a little bit longer?” She sadly asked nearly begging me.

“Hasemi, we will come visit another time.” I said.

“No next time, I know, this is the last time; Jose and you about to leave Sahara forever.” She quietly said.

“If by chance it becomes independent, we still come back here.”

“It won’t be independent. Morocco is about to come in any time; my children, they are making a dream, dreaming…..” The old man with his grey hair spoke his mind, talking to himself.

“Let’s move quickly, the sun is going down very fast!” I urged them to get on the road, the old man slowly showed us out; one hand on Jose’s shoulder and the other one on Ophruya.

I turned back to get the goat’s leg and put it in the car, turned around again and silently gave Hasemi and the sisters a hug; I looked up and stared at the brothers intensively, thousands of words were revealed in their eyes in that hurried moment just in passing. At the end of the day, we were in fact, living in two different worlds on this earth!

I was getting on the car, suddenly the second brother of Ophruya came close to me, he gave me a heavy handshake and whispered: “Echo, thank you for looking after Shaida.”

“Shaida?” I was beyond shocked , how did he know Shaida?”

“She, is my wife, please look after her.”

That was the moment, his eyes suddenly soaking with the tenderness of love combined with a deep sadness together; we stared at each other sharing a secret. He gave me a smile of melancholy in the dusk, while I still stood stunned ; he eventually turned around, strode across the sand and was gone.

The first chill wind blew over me with a tremble under the sunset.

“Ophruya, Shaida is actually the wife of your second brother.”

On the way back in the car, I finally came back to my senses and nodding my head, my heart was sighing…..yes, that’s right, only a man like that was a match for Shaida, came to an end of it, there was actually a Saharan man who deserved her in this entire world.

“She is the only wife of Basely, it has been seven years already…..” He nodded his head with a sigh. At the bottom of his heart, he had probably also been in love with Shaida in silence!

“Basely?” Jose braked the car hard.

“Basely! Your second brother is Basely? I screamed out and my blood was boiling up in my whole body; in these years, the one ghostly form that came and went like a shadow, created diversion to alarm the East and attacked the West, the ferocious guerrilla leader as well as the soul of the Sahara…..

He was the one who had actually just shook my hand calling Shaida’s name.

We both fell in extreme shock and couldn’t speak a word again.

“Your parents, they seem not to know about Shaida.”

“They can’t know about Shaida, she is a catholic; my father will ask Basely to end his life if he knew. Apart from that, Basely is always afraid the Moroccans would kidnap Shaida to exchange for their terms and conditions, so he never discloses about it to any outsider.”

“’Guerrilla’ have enemies from every side, they attack Morocco, watch out for the Spanish and also have to be careful with Southern Mauritania; it is a very hard living, I am afraid it’s just an empty dream in the end!” Jose seemed already to have made an assertion for the dream of the guerrillas. 

I stared blankly out of the back of the car and the view of the great desert flying behind me as I listened to Jose’s prediction, suddenly a Chinese novel called ‘Dream of the Red Chamber’ passed through my mind.

‘The one who has seen could enter through the door of emptiness; the obsessed gave away their lives in vain like a bird who has finished all the food and has returned to the forest; all returns to the earth empty and is purified.

My heart just felt like it was sinking down.

Not knowing where it come from, I suddenly felt Basely was shortly going to die. This sort of six sense in my life always appeared and was never mistaken, at that particular moment, my mind was emptied by the bad premonition and I couldn’t move as if I had been nailed.

“Echo, what’s the matter with you?” Jose woke me up.

“I need to lie down for awhile, I have had enough for this day!”

I covered myself up buried in a blanket. 

I couldn’t release my depression.

The day when the United Nations Observer Mission flew over to the Sahara, the Spanish government again promised the people in the Sahara that they could express their views in speech and gather freely, as far as they were obeying the law and the Spanish wouldn’t made difficult for them.

They also reaffirmed the matter of the right of national self-determination of the Sahara which had already been debated for over two years.

“It’s all a lie, if I was the government, I wouldn’t that generous.” I was worrying again.

“Colonialism is well over now, it isn’t that Spain is being generous; Spain is also sinking.” Jose was sentimental in those days.

The United Nations mediation delegation consisted of a small group of people from these three countries Iran, The Ivory Coast and Cuba.

The highway on the way to the airport from the town, was crowded with Saharan people who had stood waiting in the same place since early morning, they had confronted the Spanish police guards in silence and were waiting for the army to come.

The moment the Governor together with the delegation started driving to the town, on command the Saharan people suddenly began shouting out like thunderstorm: 

“RIGHT OF NATION SELF-DETERMINATION!!” 

“RIGHT OF NATION SELF-DETERMINATION!!” 

“PLEASE! PLEASE!!” 

“NATION SELF-DETERMINATION!!” 

“NATION SELF-DETERMINATION!!”

There were thousands of guerrilla flags made out of a variety of sizes of rag were flying in the sky as if there was a storm. Men, women, the old and the young madly all dancing for their hope; crying and screaming out like the earth was cracking away; they accompanied the slowly driving vehicle, it looked as if the Sahara was howling angrily and making a last struggle …..

“A fool talks about his empty dreams!” I sighed while standing on a friend’s rooftop and felt their pain, somehow it would end without a hope just like moths desperately heading towards a flame; would there one of the day be somebody who could actually see it through?

The Spanish government evidently understood more clearly than the Saharan people, they let them hang their hopes on the United Nations without either stopping them or rejecting them; the truth was Spain was about to back out of it. Who else would be next? It wouldn’t be Basely, that would happen just for a leader with only seventy thousand small weak subjects.

The United Nations Observer Group left the Western Sahara quickly, spending less time than when they visited Morocco.

In the town, the Spanish and the local Saharan people eventually became strangely closer together again and were actually more intimate than before. The Spanish despite the clamour of Morocco still promised unchangingly national self-determination to the Sahara, it almost seemed it was becoming true, both parties co-operated with each other like true brothers under the strong threat of Morocco.

“The key is held in Morocco’s hand not Spain’s.” On the contrary Shaida became dispirited by days, she was not a naïve person and saw the situation more clearly than anyone else.

“Morocco says that if the United Nations says Sahara should have the right of national self-determination, Morocco wouldn’t be afraid or abide it; who the hell do they think they are anyway? Otherwise, Spain will have litigation against it in the Hague!” 

Most people in the Sahara were blind followers of optimism.

On the 17th October, who would have known, the International Court of Justice finally had an understanding of the long awaited dragged out problem of the Sahara.

“Oh! We have won! We have won! At peace! We have hope!” After the Saharan people in town listened to the news from broadcast, they took out all the things that they could beat as a drum and were dancing and screaming liked mad, no matter you were a stranger, Spanish or Saharan, all cuddled and laughed together as if they lunatics celebrating on the streets.

“You heard that? If Spain resolves the problems with them peacefully in the future, we can eventually stay.” Jose’s face was full of smiles as he was hugging me. On the contrary, I felt worried but not knowing why, just felt a big disaster was about to come.

“It won’t be that simple and it’s certainly not a child’s play.” I still didn’t believe it.

That night, the Sahara radio announcer suddenly sadly broadcast: “The king of Morocco ‘Hassan’ will start recruiting volunteers from tomorrow and will head towards the Western Sahara on a peace march.”

Jose smacked the table and jumped up.

“Strike back!” He shouted it out loudly, I buried my face in my knee.

The most horrify thing was, the Devil Hassan initially only recruited thirty thousand volunteers but the next day, there were over two hundred thousand people who had signed up.

The Spanish news broadcast that night actually started to document the schedule of the Morocco peace march.

“23rd October, take down ‘Laayoune’!”

They came like bees from their nest, men, women, old and young all following Hassen forwards. They first stepped out dancing and singing along, slowly and horribly approaching the border. They strode across firmly step by step, I felt for the hearts of the people who were just watching the news on the television.

“Dance, dance, dance to the hell you son of the bitch!” I bitterly scolded in front of the television the people who was dancing and clapping their hands.

“Strike back!” Every good man from the Desert army madly went to the border, there was only forty miles distance between the boarder and the town of ‘Laayoune’.

19th October, there was only increasing numbers of Moroccans not less.

20th October, the marker arrow on the news was pointing further ahead of one more step forward on the map.

21st October, the Spanish government suddenly used loudspeakers on the streets calling for the Spanish women and children to urgently evacuate.

In the people’s heart if felt as if a dam on a river had collapsed. 

“Leave here quickly! Echo, quick, time is running out!” Friends living inside the town dumped their furniture and rushed come and say farewell to me before all running on their way to the airport. 

“Echo, hurry up, quickly leave!” Everyone who knew me all urged me by knocking hard on my door before jumping into to their cars and leaving.

The Spanish policemen suddenly all disappeared.

The town apart from the crowd of people gathering at the door of the air ticket office, became empty.

Jose at this critical moment had to work days and nights at the mine company dock to help out with the arms and ammunition of the retreating corps. He couldn’t come home to look after me.

22nd December, a Moroccan flag had suddenly risen up on Honde’s rooftop platform; not long after, the whole town had Moroccan flags stead fastly flying in the air.

“Honde, you are acting too fast.” When I saw him discouraged like that I almost fell down in tears.

“I have a wife, sons and daughters; what do you want me to do? Do you want me to die?” Honde passed me with his head down and rushed to go.

Guccka’s swollen crying eyes like walnuts startled me: “Guccka, you….”

“My husband Abbas has gone, he joined the guerrillas.”

“He has guts, it’s respectable.” If staying alive just for an ignoble existence, it would be better to go into exile!

“Shut the door and ask clearly before opening the door. The Moroccans won’t come tomorrow, they are still far away from here! Your flight ticket, I have asked Hayimi for it, he won’t neglect you; I will be back if there is time, but if the situation gets worse; you just pick up a little suitcase and run straight to the airport, I will figure out to meet you somehow; be brave.”

Jose went back to the retreating military group over a hundred miles away from here with his bloodshot red eyes. The whole of the members of staff at the mine company coordinated with the army, prioritising the most expensive stuff to be processed quickly and transported to the ship and not even one member staff resigned or complained. All the Spanish ships from Canary islands set sail for here, waiting on the floating dock for instructions.

That same night, I stayed home alone and someone  knocked lightly on my door.

“Who is it?” I asked loudly while putting out the light.

“It’s Shaida, open the door quickly!”

I rushed to open the door, Shaida quickly dashed in and a man with a mask also ran in quickly behind her; I closed the door and locked it up as quick as I could.

After she went inside the house, Shaida was filled full of fear and trembling, she held tight with her own arms; I was startled and breathed heavily, the stranger who sat on the mat slowly undid his head scarf, he nodded to me with a smile——Basely!”

“You are looking to die; Honde is now on the side of Morocco.” I jumped up and turned the light out, pushing them to the bedroom that didn’t have any windows.

“The rooftop is like a public platform and has a hole at the top, everyone can see in here from the top.” I shut the bedroom door as tight as I could and turned on the bedside light finally.

“Anything for me to eat quick!” Basely gave a long sigh and Shaida rushed to the kitchen.

“I go, you stay here.” I held on to her and lowered my voice.

Basely was extremely hungry but only had a few bites and couldn’t keep on. He made a long sigh again, his haggard face was full of tiredness and he didn’t look like himself.

“What have you come back here for? At this time of the day?”

“To see her!” Basely looked at Shaida and gave a  long sigh once again.

“From the first day of hearing of the peace march, I rushed back from Algeria walking for many days and nights …..”

“Alone?”

He nodded.

“Where are the other guerrillas?”

“All have gone to the border with Morocco.”

“How many of them in total?”

“Merely two thousand people.”

“How many people in the town are still on your side?”

“I am afraid none of them now, what is the people’s heart!”

“I have to go before the curfew.” Basely said just sitting down.

“How about Ophruya?”

“I am going to meet him now.”

“Where?”

“A friend’s home.”

“Reliable? Is this friend reliable?”

Basely nodded with his head.

I thought about it a moment then opened a drawer and took out a key.

“Basely, there is an empty house, it is my friend’s which I look after, it’s at the side of the hotel with a semicircular top in a bright yellow colour; you won’t mistake it for other buildings. If there is no place that can shelter you, you can go hide there; It’s a Spanish house, no one will suspect it.

“I won’t go there, I can’t get you involved.”

He wouldn’t take the keys although Shaida was begging him.

“If you take the keys with you, you would have an alternate place to go; these days there are Moroccan spies all over in the town, you won’t go wrong by listening to Echo.”

“I have a place to go.”

“Echo, Shaida has some savings money, she can do nursing, you take her with you and the child will go with Nanny, we can leave separately and go in two separate directions, people won’t notice that. The Moroccans already know I have a wife in the town.

“The child?” I looked at Shaida in stunned.

“I will explain it to you.” Shaida was pulling Basely who was about to leave and she could speak no more as she was trembling.

Basely was holding Shaida’s face in his hands and staring at her in silence for a moment, he made a long sigh and tenderly flipped her hair once more before turning his back and striding out all of a sudden.

Shaida and I  quietly lay down and we spent a sleepless night. When daybreak came, she insisted on going to work.

“My child and Nanny are going to Spain today, I want to see him.”

“I will come to find you this afternoon, if there is news about the air tickets, we will leave immediately.” She nodded her head inattentively as she slowly walked out.

“Wait a minute, I’ll drive you.” I totally forgot I had a car.

Passing through the day with a drowsy head till after five o’clock in the afternoon, I was about to drive to the hospital and I discovered my car had nearly run out of petrol and so I had to go to the gas station.

After a night without sleep I felt my ears were ringing and I  was constantly sweating all over as if I was getting ill and I felt weak.

Driving the blankly heading towards the outskirts of the town, I was suddenly aware that I was about to hit the barriers, I quickly stepped hard on the brakes to stop the car sweating away and scared.

“What is it, is this side blocked again?” I asked a Spanish guard.

“Just burying people, something have happened.”

“Burying people doesn’t need to intrude on the traffic!” I exclaimed exhausted .

“The dead body is Basely, that leader of the guerrillas.”

“What….You are telling a lie!” I screamed out.

“It’s true, why am I lying to you?”

“It’s a mistake, must be a mistake.” I was shouting again.

“How could it be wrong? The corpse has been examined by the regiment and his brother also recognised it too, after the identification, the authorities have detained it there and do not know when will it be released!”

“How could it be possible? How could it be? I said nearly sadly begging this young solider, wanting him to deny what he just told me was the truth.

“They fought with their own people and got killed, the body was badly mutilated, can’t even recognise his face.”

I was shaking so much while trying to reverse my car that I couldn’t move the gear stick and my body just couldn’t stop trembling.

“I am not well, can you help me to reverse the car?” I got out the car in limbo, asked the little solider to help me do it; he strangely stared at me and put the car in order.

“Be careful driving! Go back quickly!” 

I was still shivering and shaking when I arrived at the hospital, I dragged myself out of the car; when I saw the porter at the hospital, I was already in an  incomprehensible state.

“Where is Shaida?”

“Gone!” He was looking at me quietly.

“Where has she gone, was she looking for me?” I stammered out to ask him.

“Don’t know.”

“How about Nanny?”

“She brought several children with her, they have gone early.”

“Is Shaida in her dorm room?”

“No, I have told you she isn’t here; it was after three this afternoon, she went out looking pale and didn’t even speak to anyone.

“Ophruya?”

“How would I know.” The porter replied me impatiently, I could do nothing but leave.

I drove the car in circles around the town, when I passed the gas station, I dreamily filled up my car with petrol again.

“Mrs, leave here quick! The Moroccans will be here within days.”

I ignored the guy at the gas station and drove to the police station asking the people there.

“Have you seen Ophruya or not? Please has anyone seen Ophruya?”

Everyone shook their head’s gloomily.

“The Sahara policemen have all been dismissed a few days ago.”

I drove to the square, the place where the Saharan people gathered. There was a half open shop with an old man sat inside, I had often bought some local stuff from him in the past.

“Please, have you seen Shaida? Have you seen Ophruya?”

The old man was afraid and lightly pushed me outside, he sighed and hesitated to utter out what he wanted to say.

“Please tell me…….”

“Leave quickly as you can! It is not your business.”

“You tell me and I will go immediately, I promise you.” I was begging him.

“Tonight, everyone will have a trial for Shaida.” He looked around before said it.

“Why? Why?” I was extremely shocked again and didn’t know how to react anymore.

“She betrayed Basely, she told the Moroccans where Basely was, when Basely came back, they were waiting in the alley and eliminated him.”

“It’s not possible, who has locked her up? I will tell them, Shaida stayed at my home yesterday, it is not possible she could do it, and, and, she is the wife of Basely…..”

The old man lightly pushed me again, I went back to my car and leant over  the steering wheel in exhaustion, couldn’t move at all.

Back outside my home when I was about to open my door, Guccka rushed over to me from a chatting crowd.

“Speak inside.” She was pushing me in.

“Basely is dead, you want to tell me that.” I fell on the floor and asked her.

“Not just that, they want to kill Shaida tonight.”

“ I see…. where?”

“The place where they slaughter the camels.” Guccka replied and looking scared.

“Who are these people?”

“The group of people with Agibe.”

“They have deliberately set her up, Shaida was at my home last night.” I shouted again.

Guccka sat in silence, her face looking pale, retarded and scared.

“Guccka, help me with some massage! My whole body aches.”

“Oh dear! Dear! I was lay on the floor and let out a long sigh.

Guccka was at my side and massaged me.

“They ask everybody to go there to see it.” Guccka said.

“What time at night?”

“Half past eight at night. They have asked all the people to go and said the one doesn’t go will be shown a lesson!”

“Agibe is actually a  Moroccan! What can you clearly not understand about it?”

“He is nobody, he is a thug!” Guccka said.

I closed my eyes, in my brain was turning around as a moving lantern; who can save Shaida, the Spanish army wouldn’t deal with this business, Ophruya had disappeared; I didn’t have any strength, Jose wasn’t back home and I had no one to talk with; I was actually completely on my own.

“What is time? Guccka, go get the clock here.”

Guccka passed the clock to me and I looked at it, it was already ten past seven at night.

“Where are all the Moroccans today? Any news?” I asked.

“I don’t know, I heard that the Desert Corps have spread mines all around the border and want them to go there.”

“There is ground of  people from the Desert Corps that don’t want to retreat, they want to blend in with the guerrillas and run to the desert.” Guccka said. 

“How do you know about that?”

“Honde said that.”

“Guccka, think about a way how to save Shaida.”

“Don’t know.”

“I will go at night, are you coming? I want to testify that she was at my home last night……”

“No, this is bad! Echo, don’t say anything about it; even it is you, they will drag you in if you talk.” Guccka was almost in tears and hurriedly tried to stop me.

I shut my eyes and tired to hold myself together in exhaustion. 

When the clock was almost pointing to eight thirty, whatever was going to be happen I still wanted to see Shaida.

If there was a trial, it should give someone a right to speak, the worse thing to be afraid of was, if it was only to be a cruel lynching and not a legal trial! 

They would then insist that Shaida was guilty as charged as they deliberately wanted to sentence her to death.

It would actually be revenge for Agibe,  punishment for the woman who could not belong to him. No justice, only lawlessness happened in chaotic times.

Just after eight o’clock, I heard there was noise outside my door; I saw everyone looking miserable or showing no expression on their faces, some of them walking and some of them driving in their cars, all were heading to the area outside of the town, to the far away slaughterhouse.

I got into my car, slowly driving among the crowd of the Saharan people, when the road ended and the sand appeared on the ground. I left my car and followed the people.

The slaughterhouse was a place I would never willingly want to pay a visit to all year long, there was echoing plaintive whining from the waiting to be slaughtered camels. 

The dead bodies of camels were dumped and filled a nearby shallow sandy valley for carrion to pick over the bones. Wind in this place was constant and intensely strong, even in the day light, it was a place of dismal eeriness.

Now it was nearly at the end of the dusk, the sun just dragging it’s fading tail which struggled out shinning on the edge of the horizon.

The slaughterhouse was a long rectangle concrete building. Under the dim night light, it actually looked like a big coffin had been placed on the ground by a giant hand in the clouds, it’s shadow slanting on the sandy ground that horrified people looking at it straight in the eyes.

The place already had a large gathering of people, the crowd that came to watch the trial weren’t like a group of sheep scarily squeezing in and out; instead they were all silent, not making a sound.

It wasn’t even eight thirty when a jeep was forcefully driven towards the crowd, everybody backed off in hurry and gave way to it. 

In the front seat sitting next to the driver was Shaida, her motionlessly face as pale as a dead person.

I pushed people and stretched my hand out, desperately shouting to Shaida but I couldn’t got any closer to her; the crowd were jostling me like waves in the ocean, countless people stepped on my feet and pushed me in and out.

Looking around I had not seen anyone I knew, I jumped up to enable myself to have look. Shaida was being dragged by her hair by Agibe, she fell out of the car and onto the ground, the crowd raised up a disturbance; everyone desperately pushing towards to the front.

Shaida closed her eyes and didn’t make any movement, I guessed her heart was completely broken when she heard Basely was dead, at this moment, she only wished to seek her own death.

The nanny had safely left with her child, she wouldn’t have any necessity to stay on in this world.

There wasn’t any trial nor did anyone speak up, no one mentioned about Basely, not a single soul was hosting any justice; when Shaida was being dragged and fell on the ground, a few people started to tear off the clothes from her chest; her nudity exposed pitifully in front of the crowd.

She held her head up with her eyes tightly shut and gritted her teeth without moving.

At this moment, Agibe suddenly began shouting in the Arabic Hassania language; the crowd was in upheaval again. I couldn’t understand what was being said, I grabbed a man next to me and desperately asked him; he shook his head and didn’t want to translate it to me.

I pushed in and asked another person, a girl, she spoke with a cracking voice: “Have to rape her before putting her to death, Agibe asked who wants to rape her, she is a Catholic, doing her is not a crime.”

“Dear God! Dear! God! Let me through! Give way! I need to go there!” I used all my strength to push the people in front of me, the few steps actually felt like a century long as if I would never reach the end.

I jumped up to look at Shaida, the group of Agibe’s people were still tearing her clothes off, Shaida wanted to run but several people jumped on her and pulled off her dress completely as finally her whole dress had been torn away, her almost entirely nude body was left rolling on the sand, several people jumped up, forcefully held her arms and legs down, opened her up.

At that moment, the sound of Shaida’s heartrending scream like an animal passed through the air.

Ahn….. No………No…. Oh…..Oh……I wanted to scream but my voice broke down, I wanted to cry out but no sound came out, I wanted to see but couldn’t bear it, I didn’t want to look at it but my eyes were fixed on Shaida and couldn’t move away.

No…….Oh…..No……Don’t…….I heard my cracked voice keep shouting out……

All of a  sudden I felt someone like a leopard, hammered me from behind and barged through the crowd, one by one he pulled away the people in the crowd as if a flash of light had surged inside the place. He dragged off the men who pressed on Shaida and slowly backed off with pulling her hair to the empty higher ground at the slaughterhouse.

It was ‘Ophruya’, foam had came out from his mouth, he was holding a gun in his hand as if a madman, he pointed the gun at the people in the crowd who tried to grab it. The  thugs pulled out their knives.

The crowd was screaming out and started to run away, I desperately squeezed forward but was being pushed back. I opened my eyes widely and I saw Ophruya was surrounded by his enemies, he has one hand dragging Shaida and the other hand was alarmingly swaying his gun in front of the thugs. The gaze of his eyes was like a leopard on anyone who wanted to come close; suddenly one guy came behind and jumped on his back, Ophruya flied his gun and the others took this chance by pouncing on to him……

“Kill me, kill me Ophruya…..kil…..” Shaida screamed constantly, shouting madly out loud.

I was crying out with anger, with despair and frightened, I heard several bangs from firing guns, people screaming and pushing out to escape; I fell on the ground and was stepped on by people.

Suddenly the place became empty and quiet, I turned around and sat myself up; I saw the people of Agibe helping a guy getting to a car and then rushing to leave.

There were two bodies on the ground, Ophruya died there with his eyes open and Shaida lay on the ground, the posture of Ophruya was like he was crawling forward in order to use his body to protect shaida. 

I crouched down on the sandy ground far away, I couldn’t stop shaking, and trembling; my surroundings getting darker and darker, until I almost couldn’t see anything anymore.

The wind suddenly lost it’s sound.

I could not see anymore, but the sound of the camels lamentation howling at the slaughterhouse was stronger and stronger, the pitch became higher and higher, the whole sky was enveloped with the tremendous echo from the weeping camels as if the rumble of thunder was coming down on me.