The search for love

About seven or eight months ago a little convenience store opened nearby our little house, the store had in stock all the daily necessities. Because of this it was much more convenient for local residents like us who lived quite far away from town. After that, I no longer had to carry all the shopping bags and walk a long way back to home under the heat.

I visited the store about four or five times a day, sometimes even during my cooking I would dash out to the shop to buy some sugar or flour. My time was always tight and it so often happened to me that the shop was very busy full of the neighbours buying stuff or slowed down by not having correct change on hand for the bill. Every time, I couldn’t achieve my shopping within in ten seconds, I gave up and headed home, the store unfortunately didn’t suit my impatient character.

After a week of shopping there, I made a suggestion to the young Saharan man who worked there as a shopkeeper to create an account for me, make a record at night for what I had bought during the day. I would then settle the bill when the account reached about a thousand dollars. This young man said he had to ask his brother first before agreeing to do that. The next day, he told me they were happy to start an account for me.

They gave me a big notebook because they couldn’t write and asked me to write down the things I bought; therefore from that moment, I started to get to know Shalun the young shopkeeper of the shop.

Shalun was always in the shop by himself, his brother ran another business and only popped in the shop in the morning and at night. Every time I shopped there and entered figures in the notebook used as a purchase ledger, Shalun insisted there was no need to check what I had written in the notebook. If I was polite and insisted, his face immediately went red and he didn’t say a word, after that I knew, to no longer persist Shalun to double check the notebook. 

Because he trusted me, I  was especially careful to  make the records in the book and didn’t wish to make any mistake that would cause any blame on Shalun. This shop wasn’t his shop but he seemed very responsible.

When the night came and the shop closed, he didn’t go straight to the town; rather he sat on the ground alone, staring into the sky in the dark quietly. He was modest and simple, the shop had been open almost a month yet he seemed he hadn’t made any friends at all.

One afternoon, I went to the shop to settle my bill, when I was about to leave, Shalun put down the notebook he was toying around in his hand; with a sort of look, either he forgot to hand the book to me or rather had something to say.

I waited for him for about two seconds, he was still the same without any sound; I took out the notebook from his hand and said to him: “Alright, thanks and see you tomorrow!” I was about turn around and leave.

He suddenly looked up and called me: “Mrs Quero….”

I stopped and waited for him to speak, he wasn’t saying anything at all but his face had already blushed.

“What is the matter?” I asked him gently trying to avoid making him more nervous.

“I want….I want you to write an important letter.” He said it without looking at me.

“It’s okay! Who would you like to write to?” I asked him but he really was very shy.

“To my wife.” His voice was so low, I almost couldn’t hear a sound.

“You are married?” I was surprised because Shalun ate and lived his life in this little shop. He had not got any parents and his brother was cold to him, I would never have known he had a wife.

He nodded his head nervously as if about to disclose a bigger secret to me.

“Your Mrs, where is she? Why doesn’t she come to live with you?” I knew he wouldn’t say by himself but I believed he had a strong urge for me to ask him.

He still didn’t reply, but looked around and made sure there wasn’t anyone coming into the shop; he suddenly pulled out a colour photograph from inside the drawer and stuffed it in my hand, his had his head down again.

It was a photo with the four corners already worn out. The photograph was of an Arabic woman who was wearing European clothing. She had regular features with a pair of big eyes but wore too much thick make up on her not so youthful face, such a colourful appearance.

She was wearing a sleeveless top with a big flower pattern, an old fashioned apple green mini skirt, a copper chain belt on her waist and a pair of very tall yellow high-heels on her feet, her shoelaces were tied across up to her knee. Black hair which had been combed into a nest, plus more hair left behind her shoulders. Her whole body was regaled in cheap jewellery; she also carried a shinny plastic black handbag in her hand.

It was dizzy enough to look at a photo like this, if the real person showed up and walked past with perfume, it would be absolutely fabulous and softly killing anyone straight way. 

Looking back at Shalun, he was passionately waiting for my reaction about this photograph, I could not bear to put off his expected acclamation but I couldn’t find a suitable word to make a complement for this ‘Artificial Arabic flower’. I slowly put the photo down on the front desk.

“Very modern and different from the Sahara girls here.” I said that to not only not hurt him but also as so not to betray my own conscience.

Shalun was very pleased and he rushed to tell me: “She is modern and beautiful, no girl here can be compared with her.”

I smiled and asked: “Where is she then?”

“She is in Monte Carlo.” He talked of his wife with reverence as if she were a goddess.

“Have you ever been to Monte Carlo?” I thought I heard him wrongly.

“I haven’t, we got married in Algeria last year.” He said.

“You have married, why doesn’t she come and live with you in the Desert?”

His head hung down and the passion he had minutes ago also disappeared after I asked him such a question.

“Shayda told me to come back here first and she will come with her brother to Sahara to join me in few days time, after that…after that…”

“She never came.” I spoke for him after that and he nodded his head.

“How long ago was it?” I asked again.

“Over a year.”

“Why didn’t you write to her earlier?”

“I……” His throat stuck while spoke.

“Who can I talk to……” He made a big sigh.

I thought if that so, why was he willing to tell this to a totally irrelevant person such as me?

“Let me see the address.” I decided to give him a hand.

The address was shown in Monaco and not Algeria.

“Where is this address comes from?” I asked him.

“I went to Algeria to find my wife once, about three months ago.” He haltingly said.

“Ah! Why didn’t you say it earlier, you didn’t explain it clearly and so you have been looking for her after all.”

“She wasn’t there, her brother said she had gone but he gave me this photograph and address, asked me to come back here.”

He had taken a long journey just for a photo with this kitsch woman in? I felt for him while looking at his faithful face.

“Shalun, how much bride money you have given for this marriage?” I suddenly thought about the Sahara custom.

“A lot.” He lowered his head down as if I had touched a wound.

“How much?” I asked him lightly.

“Over three hundred thousand.” (About two hundred thousand Taiwan dollar in the 70s)

I was shocked and asked him in doubt: “You can’t possible have had that great amount of money, non-sense!” 

“Yes, I have, my father gave it to me when he died the year before last year, you can ask my brother.” Shalun stubbornly defended himself.

“Okay, let me guess what has happened afterward. You took the money from your father to Algeria to buy some goods last year wanting to bring the goods back to the Sahara to sell, but you didn’t do it instead you married Shayda from the photo; you gave her your money and came back, she hasn’t come after all, am I right?”

A very dead simple story.

“That‘s it, you guessed it all correct, how could you do it? It’s like you have seen it yourself?” He was actually pleased because I had guessed it right.

“Have you really not understood it at all?” I felt so strange and opened my eyes widely.

“I don’t understand why she’s not willing to come here, so I have to ask you to write a letter to her and tell her, I……I…..” He was suddenly getting very emotional and had held his head in both hands.

“I have nothing now.” He was mumbling. 

I quickly moved my eyes away, my heart felt so touched when I saw someone was so down to earth and showing his true feelings plainly. It started from the beginning when the first time I met him, he always had a lonely and a great sadness expression that quietly surround him; he was just like how the people were described in a novel set in the old Russian era who were fatality suffering?

“Come, come here to write, I have the time right now.” I said it with a great spirit. Shalun begged me lightly: “Please don’t tell my brother about the written letter.”

“I won’t tell, don’t you worry.” I opened the notebook to write a letter.

“Great, you speak and I write, start speaking ….” I pushed him.

“Shayda, my wife…..” Shalun shakily spilt out few words then stopped.

“Wait a minute, I can only write Spanish, how could she read my letter?” I said. He clearly knew this lying woman wouldn’t read this letter neither would she admit she was his wife; when I thought it over, I wasn’t keen on writing this letter for him.

“Doesn’t matter, please write, she will find someone to read it for her, please I beg you………” Shalun seemed afraid I wouldn’t write for him, he desperately asked me again. 

“Okay! Keep on going, speak then!” I looked down to write again.

“After we have departed, I couldn’t forget about you, I did once go to Algeria to find you……” I could see it clearly, if Shalun hadn’t had that huge amount of love for this woman, he wouldn’t overcome his shyness and made an oral statement in front of a stranger about this hidden passion in his heart.

“Right!  you come here  to sign.” I tore off the page I had written the letter on, from the notebook, Shalun would write down his Arabic name on it.

Shalun looked at his signature very careful and sighed, he was full of hope and said: “Now, it is all about waiting for the reply letter to come.”

I took a look at him and didn’t know what to say, so I stayed silent.

“Could I use your post box as the return address? It won’t get in any trouble for Jose?”

“Don’t you worry, Jose wouldn’t mind it at all; alright, let me write down the return address.” I really didn’t think that it needed the return address at all.

“I am going to post this letter myself right now.” Shalun asked me for a stamp, closed his shop and shot off like a rocket to the town.

It started on the next day after the letter had been posted. Whenever Shalun saw me step into his shop, he would jump and be scared in case I spoke out loud about his letter. If I  shook my head, an obviously disappointed expression would show up on his face immediately. 

He had suffered in pain from the first day of waiting for the letter, how could he live his life like that in the future?

A month passed, I was getting a headache from Shalun’s silent longing. I didn’t visit his shop to buy stuff anymore and I didn’t know how to tell him that there was no replied letter and there was not going to be a replied letter for him……forgot it was the best. Despite I didn’t go to the shop, everyday when he closed his shop, he would quietly come and stand at my window but not even knock on my door until I saw him and told him there wasn’t any letter. Then he would thank me lightly. Before he slowly headed back to the shop, he would sit on the ground and stare at the sky for hours.

Time had passed for a while, one day I opened my post box, inside there were a few letters and a note from the post office asked me to go there. 

“What is this?” I asked a member of staff at the post office.

“A registered letter in your post box, sent from someone called Shalun….Hamida, is he your friend or it has been sent by mistake?”

“Ah…..” I cried it out while holding the letter and felt a shiver go through me. I grabbed this letter from Monaco and ran as fast as possible along the road to home. 

I got it completely wrong, she wasn’t a cheat, she wrote back, she even sent it by registered mail; I wondered how happy Shalun would be.

“Read quickly, read quickly!”

Shalun closed the shop while he said that, he was trembling and there was a flare of madness appearing in his eyes.

When the letter was opened, it was French, I felt sorry for Shalun.

“It is French…….” I bit my finger, when Shalun heard that he was anxious as if walking in a dead end.

“It’s for me by no mistake!” He asked me lightly and afraid if he said it too loud, this beautiful dream would burst.

“It is for you, she said she loves you.” I could only understand this sentence.

“Can you guess it randomly, I beg you, what else did she say?” Shalun sounded like he was crazy.

“I can’t guess anymore, have to wait until Jose backs home.”

As I went home, Shalun was walking right behind me following me like a ghost, I could only ask him go inside my house, sit down and waiting for Jose.

Sometimes when Jose had a bad day with his colleagues at work, he came home with a fierce look on his face; I was used to it and didn’t take it seriously.

That day, he came home earlier and saw Shalun, he merely nodded his head coldly and went back to change his shoes without say a word. Shalun held the letter on his hand and waiting for Jose to notice, but Jose didn’t notice him and had gone to the bed room, when he came out with a pair of shorts on, he went to the bathroom straight away.

At that very moment, Shalun had reached a boiling point in his nerves, he didn’t say a word while still holding his letter; suddenly he knelt down in front of Jose as if he was going to hold Jose’s leg. It made me jump when I saw what happened through the kitchen; Shalun had gone over the line, I was angry at myself for bringing this madness to my little home.

Jose was dreaming in his own world and was suddenly scared to death by Shalun kneeling down, he screamed out: “What is going on, what is happening? Echo, come to help me quick, ah!!!”

I used all my strength to pull Shalun up, by the time I calmed both of them down, I had already exhausted myself, I only wished Shalun would quickly run out of the house and leave me some peace.

Jose read the letter and told Shalun: “Your wife said, she also loves you but she can’t come to the Sahara because she doesn’t has any money, she asks you to send her one hundred thousand Spanish Peseta by any way and please do send it to her brother in Algeria, her brother will use this money to buy the air ticket for her, and she will fly to you and be togather, never apart again.”

“What? See her in hell, she just wants money again……” I cried out. Shalun hadn’t showed any disappointment, he asked Jose over again and again: “Shayda said she is willing to come, isn’t she? She will come over?” His eyes were full of happiness like a dream.

“Money, no problem, it’s easy to deal, easy to deal……” He was mumbled himself.

“Come on, Shalun…..” It seemed I couldn’t persuade him to wake up.

“Take this, I give this to you.” Shalun was over the moon, he took off his only silver ring on his finger and stuck it on Jose hand.

“Shalun, I can’t accept it, you keep it yourself.” Jose put the ring back on Shalun’s finger.

“Thank you, you both have helped me a lot.” Shalun went out full of thankfulness.

“What is all this about Shalun’s wife? Shalun got crazy about her.” Jose said it with bafflement.

“What sort of wife, she is obviously a whore!” It was the only way could address her, this artificial fake flower. 

After Shalun received this letter, he did everything possible to got another job, in the day time he managed the shop, by night he baked bread at the bakery in town, working hard days and nights, he only slept between five and eight in the early morning.

Shalun rapidly looked haggard after half a month had passed and he got much thinner, his eyes were bloodshot and gloomy but still full of life when he spoke; somehow I didn’t know why, I felt his heart was suffering a great deal of pain.

After a while, he gave up smoking.

“I have to saved every single penny, it doesn’t matter if I smoke or not.” He said.

 ”Shalun, aren’t you working hard by days and night, how much have you saved so far?” I asked him. He looked so bony just after two months had passed.

“Ten thousand, two months have saved ten thousand, it’s nearly done, nearly, you don’t have to worry about me.” He rambled in his statement, he had lacked sleep for too long and was so weak, he was reaching a point of nervous breakdown.

I had been thinking hard in my head about what sort of magic Shalyda could have possessed that would make a man who had only spent three days with her and fall deeply in love with her. What spell could make a man who not forgot the happiness that she had once given.

Time had gone by and Shalun was still madly living in between half alive and half death, did he really wanted to overwork and die alone just like that?

One night, Shalun was exhausted, he burned his both hands on the hot spoiling iron, his hands were seriously scalded but his brother didn’t let him off from his daytime job in the shop.

I looked at him when he used both his injured hands to messily to pick up goods for customers, he took one thing and dropped the other; his brother came but just looking at him and helped nothing at all, Shalun felt more nervous, some tomatoes dropped all over on the ground, his fingers swollen with puss really made him suffer. Sweat was heavily running down from his head.

Poor Shalun, when would he be released from his mad desire for Shalyda? Most of the day he seemed more alone and helpless.

Since he burned his hands, Shalun came to my house every night for applying some cream on the wound before he went to work at the Bakery. It was only when we were at my home that Shalun could freely show the secret from the bottom of his heart. He had completely ignored the frustrations that his infatuation with Shayda gave him; from now on with every penny he saved, he felt the happiness of his dream came closer to him.

As he routinely came to our house, he had said his hand injury was inconvenient and it would simplify things if he did not bother to eat, so we asked him to dine with us.

“I will heal quickly, my hands will be scarred but maybe I can bake some bread tonight, Shalyda….” He started to return to his unchangeable dream again.

One evening Jose was gently listening to Shalun and I was about to bring some fresh cotton and bandages for changing Shalun’s wound dressing; when I heard he was talking about Shayda again, my heart felt extremely annoyed, confronting Shalun I said to him: “Shayda, Shalyda, Shayda, you talk about her from dawn to dusk, do you really know or you just pretend you don’t know, Shayda is a WHORE.”

That just spilt out from my mouth and I couldn’t take it back. Jose quickly looked up and was looking at Shalun, the room was deathly frozen.

I thought Shalun would jump up and strangle me but he didn’t. My words were like a big baton that heavily hit on his head, he slowly turned his head and stared at me, he seemed want to say something but couldn’t utter a word. I was also intensely starring at his poor ghostly thin face. 

He didn’t show any sight of anger but lifted up both of his injured hands, looking at them over and over, tears suddenly burst out and dropping down from his face, he stormed out the door without saying anything, ran outside straight towards the pitch dark wild land.

“Do you think he finally understood he has been deceived?” Jose lightly asked me.

“He understood it from the beginning in his heart, but was not willing to wake up, if he couldn’t help himself, who could?” I was sure how Shalun felt.

“Shayda used magic on him.” Jose said.

“Shayda merely caught his passion and lust, but Shalun must want Shayda’s heart badly to compensate for what he has lacked his whole life, he wants love, family love and the warm feeling from a home. Having a young heart full of up tight cautiousness, even he knew the touch of this love he met was fake, but he certainly still wants to grab it at all costs.” I said.

Jose was in silence; he turned the lights off and sitting in the dark.

The next day came and we thought Shalun wouldn’t come again but he did arrive. I changed the bandages on his hands and said to him: “Okay! You won’t feel pain again when you bake tonight, all the skin will grow back again in few days time.”

Shalun was calm, he didn’t say as much as usual. When he was about to go, he seemed want to say something but in the end he didn’t; he turned around when he was at the door and said: “Thank you!” I felt a strange feeling in my heart but replied back: “What’s that for? Don’t go crazy again, go, it’s time to work.”

He also gave me an unusual smile, I closed my door and my heart was tingling, I  felt something wasn’t right as Shalun never smiled!

The next morning, I was about to open my door and put out the rubbish, when I pulled the door open, two policemen was about to knock.

“Are you Mrs Quero?”

“Yes, I am.” My heart said to myself, Shalun is finally dead.”

“Shalun Hamida….”

“He is our friend.” I said it calmly.

“Do you know where maybe has he gone?”

“He…?” I asked them back.

“Last night, he took the money from his brother’s shop and he also took the money from the Bakery store, he has run away…..”

“Oh…..” I had never thought that Shalun would choose this way.

“Has he recently said something strange or he was going somewhere?” The policeman asked me.

“No, if you know Shalun, he doesn’t speak much.”

After the policemen had gone, I closed my door and went to sleep.

“You see, how come Shalun could give up living in this desert? This is the root of the Sahara people.” Jose was having his dinner while he spoke. 

“In the end he will not be able to come back here, people will come after him everywhere.”

We sat on the rooftop after dinner; there was no wind that night. Jose asked me to turn the light on. When the light was on, groups of flying insects came to us immediately. They circled around the light flying as if the light was the only thing they recognised as the proof of their own existence. The two of us were looking at those tiny flying insects intensively.

“What are you thinking about? Jose asked.

“I was just thinking, when a moth darts into to the fire, it must feel extremely satisfied and happy.”